Tall, Dark and Dangerous (2024 Lifetime)
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Cast: Jamie Bernadette, Matthew Pohlkamp, Tom Sandoval, Eric Roberts, Jackée Harry
Director: David DeCoteau
Writer(s): Adam Rockoff, Owen Schenck, Ryan Schenck
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DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearlySynopsis (via Lifetime)
With Valentine’s Day coming up, Alice, a successful real estate attorney, decides to go on the dating app BE MY VALENTINE where she finds the seemingly perfect match, Chris. She soon realizes that her “Valentine” is an imposter who stole the identity of his former roommate, Jason, in order to insert himself into her life, putting everything she has worked so hard for in jeopardy. Jamie Bernadette, Matthew Pohlkamp, Michael Paré, Tracy Nelson, Tom Sandoval, Eric Roberts, and Jackee Harry star. (2024)
Recap/Wine Thoughts.
“Inspired by Actual Events”
A beautiful woman sits in her bedroom, rejecting calls from an unknown number. After multiple calls, she answers and tells the caller to leave her alone. Then, the security alarm is activated. She creeps downstairs to investigate. (It is the middle of the day, and not scary!) A man named Jake pops out and hugs her, telling her that she is safe.
Alice, a woman with swoopy bangs, is having a good day! Her boss, Eric Roberts, lets her know that she has made partner. She is the youngest partner in the firm’s history! He tells her she has one job, to go out and celebrate.
Alice celebrates with her envious/encouraging friend Janie, and when Janie suggests they go out on the town, Alice says she has a date with her bed. (OMG, she is me. I love my bed.) Janie won’t take no for an answer and pushes Alice to go out because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! Alice sheepishly whips out a dating app called Be My Valentine, a dating app for busy professionals. Janie shoots an arrow at Jason, AKA Tom Sandoval, while Alice protests, laughing. (He shoots an arrow back!)
The profile is a DEEP FAKE CATFISH!
Alice looks him up online to ensure he is legitimate and sets a date with Tom Sandoval. Janie suddenly becomes worried, tries to give Alice pepper spray, and even offers to go on a date and wait in the kitchen. Alice tells Janie she is going on a date, not OFF TO WAR.
On the date, Alice is confused when a man who is not Tom Sandoval slinks into her booth. His name is Chris, and he is unemployed. Tom Sandoval is his roommate, and he used his pictures because who wouldn’t want to look like Tom Sandoval? Alice tells him off and says she feels played. He grabs her arm, but she leaves angrily. Chris sniffs her wine and drinks it after she leaves.
Later, he texts Alice, and it says, “You WILL be my Valentine.” Then he sends flowers to her office and calls her at work. Alice tells him to NEVER call her again at work. He doesn’t get the message and calls Alice again after she doesn’t show up for a Valentine’s Day date he planned. Chris leaves a voicemail asking why she is an hour late, and Alice feels bad. (Even though she owes him nothing!!!!) Well, that is until he leaves a threatening voicemail. Alice blocks him, and Janie tells her to call the police.
Chris appears at Alice’s job and makes friends with Eric Roberts, posing as Alice’s new boyfriend. Alice is horrified and tells Chris she never wants to see him again. He tells her they have a great rapport and want to start over. Alice lays it out as plainly as she can. Chris tells her the police can’t do anything because she needs to lay out the intent to stalk.
Alice goes to DETECTIVE Jackée Harry, who lays it out for her. Catfishing is not a crime unless he extorts money or services for personal gain. A restraining order is only as good as the person it is filed against, and arresting someone for violating it can be difficult. Alice leaves unhelped and discouraged.
On his social media, Chris uses “deep fake” tech to put Alice’s head on someone else’s body. (Or it is just terrible Photoshop.) He also adds all of Alice’s friends and family on social. Scoring and invites to the family BBQ?!?
Chris outwits Alice with the legalities of kicking him out of the BBQ. He pretends to be her boyfriend and wins over Alice’s parents. Alice agrees to go on a date with him as long as he leaves her parents alone. They make an excuse and leave the BBQ early. Alice goes straight to Jackée Harry and files that restraining order. Jane feels guilty for shooting that arrow.
The order of protection doesn’t work because Chris doesn’t live at the address on his ID anymore. Chris lurks in the bushes and slashes Alice’s tires.
Mercedes (her dad liked cars.), the woman from the beginning of the movie, meets up with Alice and her boyfriend, Jake. She had the same experience.
Alice decides to meet up with Tom Sandoval. He tells her that Chris seemed like a regular nice guy until he hacked into his computer and created fake dating profiles using his likeness. He gives Alice a bill from Chris’s psychologist. It is another lead that Alice follows.
The therapist can’t discuss her patients, and Alice reminds her that Chris is a danger to himself and others, so she needs to report him to the police. They talk about impostor syndrome. IDK, what is happening here?
Chris is her next surprise appointment. He has an appointment to kill and strangles her to death.
Police are stationed outside of Alice’s house for her protection. It isn’t enough to make her feel safe, so Alice goes to her parent’s house with it outside of police custody. Alice shows up, and Chris is there. He tells her if she makes a scene, he will kill her family.
Alice writes “Help” on a napkin, and he dad grabs a bat. He tells his wife to call the police and report Chris as an intruder. Chris makes a run for it, and the family is confused AF. Alice explains everything to her parents, and they ask her to stay with them, but she decides to stay with Jane because it is closer to work.
Even though EVERYTHING IS GOING INSANE, Alice takes a nap. She has no idea that Chris is in the house and has Janie tied up and gagged in the living room. Alice begs him to let her friend go and asks, “WHY ME?!?!” He tells her why NOT her. He just wanted a date for Valentine’s Day. Alice tells him she will run away with him and hugs Janie goodbye, taking the pepper spray from her back pocket. They run away, and Chris disappears.
One Year Later! ON VALENTINE ‘S DAY! Chris is catfishing on another date.
Side Note/Stray Thoughts
I’m not sure this movie knows what a Deep Fake is, and that is OK! We don’t care.
Matthew Pohlkamp working with David DeCoteau?!?! Love that. (How did we not get a shirtless hunk, though?!!)
Speaking of Hunks:
Overall rating
Number of Kills: 🔪(1 knife)
Enjoyment Level (1-5 scale)
🍷🍷🍷🍷 (4 Glasses of Wine)
Should you watch it?
Pour it up! (Give it a shot)
Put a Cork in It (Skip It)
What did you think of the movie? Let me know in the comments or on social media @LifetimeUncorked & @patrickmiguel
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*Photo Credit: © 2024 Lifetime® | A+E Networks®
This is the best cast movie of all time. My favorite is how everyone is swooning over how hot Sandavol is. I’m having a lot of fun watching it. Everyone is way too calm and understanding of buddy’s behavior. I love her curtain bangs and her best friend sucks.
The impostor dude was hardly a vicious valentine. Awful Lifetime movie….Alice was a pussycat compared to some women who don’t like to be played but the horrible script is to blame and the actors have to pay the bills. I wasted my time watching this trash even with Jackee Harry and Eric Roberts, who are both getting on in screen years!
I’m sorry but this was just way too OTT unrealistic, even for Lifetime. Also what’s Jackee doing in Ms Vivica Fox’s role?
1/2 way through and had to post this. One annoyance I have with the main character is her constantly saying “I am Fine” to whomever comes in contact with Chris, in a place he should not be. I would be telling everyone and their mother (including my actual mother) that this creep shouldn’t be here and he has been stalking me.
2nd attempt at posting.
Major annoyance with main character only 1/2 way through move is why when this guy shows up in her personal space when asked if everything is okay, she keeps saying she is Fine and then speaks to him alone. I would be telling everyone anytime he shows up, in front of him that he is stalking me and I do not want him there.
How can you claim that someone will never ever hurt anyone else again…if they aren’t caught?🤔
I love how Tracey nelson went from playing the crazy LMN girls to now being the concerned/ confused mom roles.