The Wrong Housesitter (2020 Lifetime)
Synopsis (via Lifetime)
Deb, a successful editor, sends Dan on an assignment out of town just as he has just moved into his dream home. When he meets Kristin, his problem is solved because she seems like the perfect house sitter. However, his problems are just beginning as Kristin begins setting up house, posing as his new girlfriend, and has no plans on leaving his home or his life.
A police officer and man named Mr. Hill are evicting someone from his house. They peer around doors and discover a mirror with lipstick writing that reads, “I’ll Be Back!” (Okay, Terminator.)
Wrong Series regular Jason-Shane Scott is promoted to leading man in this one, he plays Dan. Dan is a handsome freelance journalist who works with Ms. Vivica A. Fox!!! He recently purchased a house and his house sitter/girlfriend, Mary, can’t watch the house while he is in New York for business. (She has to travel for work too because she is a strong independent woman!)
At a bookstore, of all places, Dan meets a blonde woman named Kristen. Kristen is a wannabe writer who has been working odd jobs to make a living. Dan hires her on the spot! They immediately go to his house, and he shows her the room she will be staying at. Then we flash to Kristen’s house, which is full of printed out pictures of Jason-Shane Scott’s acting headshot. (Haha. Glad he had some to spare for props.)
The timeline here is wonky. I feel like Dan and Mary christen the house seventeen times before Kristen officially moves in. She spends most of the beginning of the movie looking through windows and hacking Dan’s phone. As Dan finally leaves, Kristen asks him to sign a contract. He hurriedly signs and runs off to New York. (That can’t be good.)
Kristen makes herself right at home, lying in his bed, telling a hippy neighbor she is Dan’s girlfriend, and even installing cameras in the house. The camera technician is suspicious of Kristen when she lies and says they are for her baby… but there are no baby items in the house. Then she moves in! Filling the fridge, cleaning, and decorating. It is all pretty monotonous things, but with this soundtrack, it is ominous.
Dan is back from his work trip, and he is confused as to why Kristen decorated his house and bought so many groceries. He tells Kristen he wants to settle up, and she can be on her way. She insists on staying and making him dinner. They eat by candlelight, and Dan feels guilty because, to him, eating dinner with another woman is basically cheating. When Kristen promises nothing will happen, he invites her to stay the night.
Ms. Vivica A Fox plays Dan’s editor, and she stops by the house. She mistakes Kristen for Mary and tells Kristen that “he described her differently.” (Haha. Auntie Viv is shady AF.) When she brings it up to Dan, he shows her a picture of Mary, and Ms. Vivica A Fox is not impressed.
For some reason, Kristen still hasn’t left the house and answers the door when Mary comes by. When Mary finds out Kristen is the house sitter, she asks, “Well, why are you still here? Dan is back in town.” (Which is a VALID question!) Kristen just slams the door in her face. Mary calls Dan and is like “WTF, Dan.” He promises to get the house sitter out, for real this time!
While “watching the horsies,” Kristin is surprised to learn that Dan is angry with her. She says that Ms. Vivica A Fox was confused and assumed she was Mary. She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t appreciate her and what she has done. Dan tells her to pack up her stuff and get out. Kristen says, “I don’t think so.” and then shows him that he signed a year lease renting out a room to her.
Ms. Vivica A Fox finally meets Mary and is like, “THIS is my boy Dan’s type.” The three of them figure out what to do about the lease. By law, he must accommodate this woman living in his house. They decide to make her life a living hell. (Dan’s first idea is having loud sex to make Kristen uncomfortable. Mary isn’t having it and stays at her place.)
Dan pumps iron and then lounges by the pool with his shirt off. (That is all. I wanted to let you know.)
Left home alone with Kristen, all Dan has to do is drink whiskey. Kristen naturally roofies him and takes a bunch of selfies with him, because she is sneaky. The next morning, Dan wakes up on the couch, confused and exhausted.
Mary is in her apartment, looking at an iPad, and has a lightbulb moment. She finds another blonde girl on social media who knew Kristen from before. The blonde girl’s name is Dara, and she had a similar situation and warns Mary that Kristen is dangerous. Mary then heads over to Dan’s house to talk to Kristen. More like slow talks to Kristen. She spells out that what Kristen is doing is a criminal conspiracy and fraud. Kristen retaliates by showing Mary pictures of her and Dan together. It works, Mary tells Dan that she needs some space.
Kristen monitors Dan on her hidden cameras and sends text messages to Dan’s lawyer Brenda. She sets up a meeting with the lawyer and pretends to be Mary. Kristen tries to get information out of the lawyer, but Brenda is too smart for that. Too bad, she is not smart enough to not drink a drink when offered. (Brenda grows weak and convulsions on the floor.)
The hippy neighbor is very confused. “Who is Mary! Who is Kristen!” I’m not sure why she is in this movie, but ok! Maybe the producers owed her a favor? The hippy neighbor does notice something unusual and lets herself into Dan’s house. She walks around while calling, “ Hello? Hello?” Then she gets strangled to death. Bye, nosey neighbor!
Dan comes home and is surprised to find the hippy neighbor dead in a bed. He calls the police who arrive on the scene. They think Kristen has fled the scene. Reassured, Dan and Mary stay in his house for the night and order Chinese.
Mary leaves to pick up food, and Dan is left home alone. Kristen sneaks up behind him with a knife and a lot of cleavages. Mary interrupts the almost murder because she forgot her purse. She sees Kristen and charges at her. Kristen runs off like a little bitch.
In the bookstore again, Dan and Ms. Vivica A Fox recap everything. Kristen’s prints were all over the body, and the police are looking for her for the murder of the hippy neighbor. Mary and Dan are together and better than ever, especially because she saved his life. Ms. Vivica A Fox looks at Dan a says, “You picked THE WRONG HOUSE SITTER!” Movie ends.
Minority Report: Debbie, Mary, and Mr. Hill.
Dan needs to learn how to button his dress shirts properly. (I’m sure the actor doesn’t wear a shirt often with a body like that, but the character might!)
The ending of this movie was surprisingly anticlimactic. I was into it until the last 10 mins.
🔪🔪🔪 (3 Knives)
🍷🍷 (2 glasses of wine required.)
*Photo Credit: © 2020 Lifetime