Bodyguard Seduction (2022 Lifetime)
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Cast: Jessica Morris, Ross Jirgl, Alicia Blasingame
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Synopsis (via Lifetime)
Wealthy businesswoman Charly must decide whom to trust when she falls for sexy bodyguard Jonathan who may be involved in a plot to assassinate her. When her life is threatened more than once by a mysterious killer she relies on seduction to find out the truth. Stars Jessica Morris, Ross Jirgl, and Alicia Blasingame (2022).
Recap/Wine Thoughts
It is the end of summer, which means it is time for another sultry Jessica Morris movie over at Lifetime. Will this year’s top Poolboy Nextdoor? Let’s find out!
Charly Huxton is a beautiful famous CEO fashion girlie. She is recently divorced and thriving. We learn all this through a very contrived interview/exposition dump.
In case you missed the first exposition Charly takes a call from her friend/co-founder, Lark. They complain about a bitchy gay designer named Godfrey. (Who wears a bejeweled lapel.) He is fired after hacking into Charly’s computer. He couldn’t care less and threatened to sue.
Across town, some bodyguards on a film set have way too much sexual tension while playing R(c)ock, Paper, Scissors. Johnathan Makepeace takes the later shift, so his partner/lover can go gambling. Then the star they are watching sexually assaults an extra, and Johnny beats up the actor. He is fired on the spot.
After having a sexy dream about a hunk co-worker named Matt, Charly receives a voodoo doll death threat. Lark and the board demand that she hires a bodyguard. When Johhny Makepeace shows up for his interview, Charly thinks he is her stalker, and pepper sprays him. (Cue a sexy slow-motion face washing scene.)
Charly is reluctant to have a bodyguard but agrees. She bosses him around, but Johnny Makepeace is his own man! He follows her through a hospital and learns she is paying for a hospital room. Johnny asks her what is going on, and she says it is a personal matter. Then he shares that he lost his mother to leukemia 15 years ago. He visits later to talk to the doctor, who adheres to doctor-patient privilege.
Cut to Godfrey working on a garment while calling it his “beautiful baby.” (It is hideous, the hem alone.) He gets a threatening text from someone who wants to take Charly down.
Back at the fashion office, Johnny Makepeace spills coffee on himself and has to strip to his underwear. Charly brings him a new close, and she notices a scar on his thigh, over his abs, and built chest. She does some online research and learns he is a war hero who shielded citizens from a bomb with his body.
Speaking of bombs, the office receives threatening phone calls and bomb threats. Jonny Makepeace takes Charly home, and they argue over who knows what. Then they kiss and are almost run over by a car. The bodyguard shoots at the car and makes some bullet holes.
While distressing, the two order Thai food, and Charly comes clean about the hospital. She is paying for the treatment of a sick kid. The mother works for her company and applied for the paperwork wrong or something really boring. It is supposed to show that Charly is a good person, maybe?
Who cares about that? Because next we get a sex scene! Woo! Yay!
In a parking lot, Godfrey meets with his co-conspirator… Lark. Godfrey is not interested in getting in deeper and tells her that he is out. Lark can’t have that and kills him with a gun similar to Johnathan Makepeace’s gun. Lark is setting up the bodyguard for murder.
Detectives show up and question people in the office. When they try to take them into custody, Johnny Makepeace punches out the detective and makes a run for it. Johnny and Charly realize that Lark is behind everything because she is greedy AF!
Johnny takes them to his old boyfriend, Vargas, without anyone to turn to. Vargas hooks them up with a place to stay and plans to sell them out to Lark for money. She hires him to kill them instead.
Insert gratuitous hot tub makeout session here for no reason! (Not that I’m mad about it!)
Vargas tries to take Charly and Johnny Makepeace out. They get away and head to another random place, but Charly doesn’t trust the bodyguard after looking through his flip phone.
Charly seduces Johnny and ties him BDSM style. Vargas finds them and watches the steamy encounter.
With the bodyguard tied up, Charly grabs TWO knives to go after Vargas. They play cat and mouse around the house until Vargas realizes that Johnny is tied up. Charly attempts to pay Vargas off and slashes him with a knife.
Then Lark shows up! It is her house they are in. Lark pulls a gun on everyone and talks about delegating. Vargas unties the bodyguard and hauls him away in his underwear.
Lark screams at Charly; she wants to live her own dreams and get out of Charlie’s shadow. Charly records the conversation with her cellphone.
Somehow, Johnny puts on clothes and starts digging his own grave. Charly distracts Vargas by throwing dirt at him, and they overpower him. Charly calls 911,
Then Vargas and Johnny fight simultaneously as Lark and Charly fight over a gun. Officers arrive and break things up. They take Lark into custody after listening to the recording and talking to Vargas.
One month later, Charly hires Johnny Peacemaker as her personal bodyguard. So like a sex worker? They makeout. The end!
Side Note
Minority Report: Intern, Matt, Dr. Dankoff, Detective, Reporter,
The amount of shirtless Ross Jirgl was perfect.
Quote of the movie
“No, I’m not crying. I’m the CEO, for God’s sake!”
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*** I’ve updated the rating system moving forward. Knives represent # of kills. Wine is over enjoyment (NOT a value judgment) on a 1-5 scale.
I will use the following tags for those who want to know whether to watch or skip: Pour it Up (Would Recommend) or Put A Cork In It (Would Not Recommend).
Overall rating
Number of Kills:
🔪 (1 Knives)
Enjoyment Level: 🍷🍷 (2 glasses of wine.)
What did you think of the movie? Let me know in the comments or on social media @LifetimeUncorked & @patrickmiguel
*Photo Credit: © 2022 Lifetime® | A+E Networks®
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Tweet
I watch literally every lifetime movie lol, this one was absolutely the worst I’ve ever seen! The acting was truly incredibly awful. Zero chemistry. Painful! I actually hated it. I opened a packet of chips and that was more exciting than this movie. Can’t wait to read your take on it!