My Husband’s Secret Life (2018 Lifetime)

My Husband’s Secret Life

Stars: Kara Killmer, Brett Donahue, Mylène Dinh-Robic

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

After suffering a miscarriage, Jennifer Jones begins to question her marriage and catches her husband in a few unassuming lies. When a sudden accident throws him into a coma, Jennifer is left to pick up the pieces—prompting her to question if she ever really knew him.

Thoughts

The movie starts right at the climax with JJ (Jennifer Jones) shooting her husband. Flash to seven days earlier. JJ is talking on the phone with her POC BFF, Connie, about where she is celebrating her anniversary. Apparently, they are going to Teroria, an Italian restaurant that is pretty cliche and trite for their BIG seven-year anniversary. When JJ brings it up to Freddie, he gets distracted by a call from his flower store, the alarm has gone off and they go to check it out before dinner.

JJ thinks the store is being burgled and is surprised to see a romantic set up for a fancy dinner for two. They talk over pizza and beer, including a very romantic conversation about their miscarriage and attempts to get pregnant again—oblivious to the woman parked outside who is watching them through the window.

Meanwhile, we see the car woman breaking into JJ and Freddie’s house. She has a flashlight and is snooping through drawers. The mystery woman (who is also blonde, by the way) is almost caught when the couple come home for some anniversary sex. She gets away just in time but leaves the back door unlocked, and JJ is now suspicious.

We get a glimpse into their daily routine, Freddie talks in his sleep creepily and scares his wife while she brushes her teeth. He also grabs blonde ladies in the street and aggressively yells at them and shakes them while his wife watches on in a coffee shop. Thankfully, JJ doesn’t let it slide and calls him (at first he rejects her call) then he answers and talks while still in her line of sight sitting on a park bench. He lies to her and says he is at work; really, he is looking at an old picture and then burns it with a lighter while crying… WTF! JJ recaps all this to her POC BFF, Connie, who says if he is cheating she will “cut his dick off”… WTF!

JJ goes to the flower shop with some liquid courage and confronts Freddie. He apologizes and basically turns the whole thing around on her and how she is acting “crazy” like a true gentleman.

Now extremely suspicious, JJ continues to question her sleep talking husband (he is speaking in a foreign accent and saying random names). She also finds a lighter in his pocket and takes it. (It has an engraving on it that we later learn is KGB, eyeroll.)

Freddie meets another guy, named Arthur, in the park. (I guess it’s where he does all his shady business). It is very coded dialogue, but you know in a stupid way:

“I could go to the FBI!!!”

That type of stuff. Who cares! They even get into a physical altercation and no one else in the park seems to notice or care.

JJ comes home from work and finds the place trashed. She called Freddie who instantly asks if she has called the cops. She says she hasn’t and then is like… “Wait, why don’t you want me to call the police?” He insists she doesn’t and tells her he is on his way. Right outside of their house, he is run down by a car. (Arthur is the driver…)

At the hospital. JJ finds out that Freddie is in a coma that could last a few days until the swelling goes down. Connie convinces JJ to call Freddie’s mom. She does and leaves a message. While waiting for Freddie to wake from his coma, Detective Brent stops by to ask JJ a few questions. She tells the detective that she saw the driver and would recognize him if she saw him again.

Back in the hospital, JJ spots the blonde mystery woman. She attempts to chases her down but runs into Barbara, Freddie’s mom, and loses her. Barbara is cold and seemingly unconcerned with her son, she tells JJ to go home and take a shower. JJ does and then finds Barbara—not at the hospital—but in the shed rummaging through some old boxes “looking for a photo.” JJ is then burdened with entertaining her mother in law. (Thankfully, BFF POC, Connie, arrives to make it less awkward.) MAN, is she rude. Barbara hates omelets for dinner and any questions about her personal life. Later the evening, JJ finds Barbara snooping through the shed again. Messing with a hidden safe.

The next day at the ATM, JJ tries to make a withdrawal and finds all her accounts have been emptied. She calls the bank and they tell her that her husband cancelled all their accounts. JJ heads to the flower shop to borrow some money from the cash register and notices a light on in the basement. She finds a desk with a gun and a file on Arthur. (Which she takes.)

JJ and Barbara have a confrontation at the hospital. Barbara tells JJ that her husband is not as innocent as he looks and JJ’s world could come crashing down if she talks to the wrong person. JJ immediately goes and talks to Detective Brent. She is still under the impression that her husband is cheating on her, despite ALL THE EVIDENCE SAYING IT IS MORE THAN THAT.

JJ goes to see Arthur and he is mad because Freddie ruined his life and made him work gathering intel for the KGB. We also see Barbara and they mysterious blonde woman speaking Russian with subtitles! It is a full on KGB Russian spy Lifetime movie.

Somehow, I’m really not sure, JJ and the blonde mystery woman end up in a gun fight at Arthur’s house. The mystery blonde woman killed Arthur and is about to kill JJ, when she reveals that she is pregnant. This distracts the mystery blonde women long enough for JJ to get away and tell everything to Detective Brent. He tells her that he is off the case because it is a federal matter and will be handed over to the FBI. JJ gets a call telling her that Freddie has awoken from his coma. JJ is all questions, but Freddie is all let’s get out of here. The mystery blonde woman is on their trail. Barbara is too and finds them at the house she starts speaking to Freddie in Russian and JJ finally realizes that she is married to a Russian spy and faints.

JJ wakes up in Connie’s house and is confused because it’s not Connie’s house. Connie reveals that she is with the FBI and has been tracking Freddie. She is betrayed, but learns all about Freddie’s Russian history. Apparently, Freddie (Really, Sachsa) is the son of a KGB spy who has a list of all the sleeper agents in the USA. They ask JJ to help them take down the Russians and get access to the list.

Freddie turns his back on his Russians and he has a talk with JJ. He tells her that he was going to tell her before the accident. She pulls a gun on him and tells him that she has to kill him, but like very casually. Barbara and a mystery blonde woman try to stop her but JJ shoots Freddie and the FBI get the Russian ladies.

Turns out she didn’t kill him and the FBI staged the whole thing. Connie helps Freddie acquire a new identity and JJ forgives Freddie for being a Russian Spy. She picks him up on the side of the road and they ride off into their new life together. Awwww?

Side Note

This movie is not listed on IMDB, I’m not sure why it was featured on Lifetime and not LMN. It was a VERY LMN vibe.

Minority Report: Connie. (So tired of POC actors being put into these BFF roles. Like, Sandra Oh pre Grey’s. Mylène Dinh-Robic deserves better parts than this.)

Arthur is maybe one of the worst male actors I’ve seen on Lifetime, EVER.

Too much wine for subtitles, work with me Lifetime!

Overall rating

🔪🔪 (2 Hearts)

🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 (5 glasses of wine required)