Psycho Wedding Crasher (2017 Lifetime)

Psycho Wedding Crasher (2017 Lifetime)

Stars: Heather Morris, Fiona Vroom, Jason Cermak

Listen to the Lifetime Uncorked Podcast here!

Synopsis (via Lifetime)

Since she started working as a dressmaker for her Aunt Daisy, Jenna has seen dozens of brides getting happily married in her gorgeous wedding gowns. Jenna longs to have a white wedding of her own and to find a handsome man who will take her away from her abusive Aunt. When Jenna meets bride-to-be Marci and boyfriend Glenn, she realizes Glenn is the man of her dreams, and now she will stop at nothing to have him all to herself and to make her dreams come true… even if she has to kill the bride!

Thoughts

A redheaded bride is getting married, her name is Marci, and she is very excited. Chelsea, Marci’s BFF, helps her get ready and shadily mentions that she used to date Glenn. The wedding happens, and a sad-looking blonde woman watches on from the back of the even hall while mouthing “I do.” Her name is Jenna, and she is THE PSYCHO WEDDING CRASHER!

Jenna leaves the wedding abruptly to go home to her Aunt Daisy’s home/wedding dress business. Oh lord, Aunt Daisy is EXTRA and delivering her lines in the most theatrical way. I’m getting an evil step-mother vibe. Aunt Daisy raised Jenny, who was orphaned. Jenna goes up to her room and fantasies about Glenn. She is in love with him from one meeting where she fell down the stairs, and he caught her. That would fly for a happy life together in a Hallmark Romance, but not on Lifetime.

Jenna “runs into” Marci at the country club and asks how the wedding was. Marci says it was great, and thanks to her for the beautiful dress and invites her to a honeymoon luau to meet some of her single guy friends. At the luau, Jenna only has Glenn’s eyes and wears a beautiful dress she made for herself. (Is this a Cinderella remake? Hilary Duff did it better. See Cinderella Story.) Jenna has fantasies about Glenn recognizing her and falling in love with her at the party. (I hate dream sequences.) A guy named Scott hits on her instead. Jenna turns him down and steals Marci’s jewelry and panties.

Scott ends up taking Jenna hone, and they play strip Jenga. He makes out with her, and she rushes out of the house and screams for help. Jenna claims that Scott tried to rape her and calls Marci. Marci tells Jenna to come over, and they take pictures of her bruises. Glenn isn’t buying it and can’t believe his friend would try to rape someone. Glenn talks to Scott, who denies the whole thing and calls her a liar. Scott confronts Jenna and Aunt Daisy overhears. This entire trope is very dated, and Lifetime shouldn’t rely on this kind of storytelling in the #metoo era.

Aunt Daisy starts screaming at Jenna, and she snaps. Jenna grabs some measuring take and strangles her auntie. She throws the body in a trunk.

Jenna surveys Glenn and Marci’s house and breaks in when they go out for the day. She places panties in the bedsheets and puts jewelry in Glenn’s pockets. Then she puts on Marci’s wedding dress and fantasizes about marrying Glenn and having sex with him while rolling around in the bed. Glenn comes home, and Jenna hides in the closet. He strips down naked and takes a shower, leaving her with Sophie’s Choice. To go and save herself or stay and watch him shower. (She leaves, I would have stayed, Glenn is super hot. Even with his dorky haircut.)

The plan works, and Marci finds the staged affair. Marci accuses Glenn of cheating with her while he is in a towel. (How could you be mad at Glenn in a towel?!) Marci thinks that Chelsea is sleeping with Gleen and screams at her friend. Marci talks to Jenna, who is supportive of Marci and encourages her to leave Glenn. (Haha!)

Jenna breaks into Chelsea’s house and sends an email to Glenn about their love affair. Chelsea catches her, and Jenna murders her with a nail file. (We don’t see any carnage because the fight sequence happens with shadows on the wall.) Then Jenna texts Scott from Chelsea’s phone, inviting him to come over for “adult activities” and shoot with when he arrives. Jenna calmly places the murder weapons in their hands to make it look like they killed one another.

A Detective interviews Glenn and Marci. Then he talks to Jenna, who claims Scott almost raped her. The detective sits on the trunk where Aunt Daisy’s body is. (Think tell-tale-heart but VERY stupid.)

The tragic murders bring Glenn and Marci back together, and Jenna watches them from her car angrily. After screaming and banging things. Jenna calls Marci to invite her over to her house. They hug, and Marci smells Jenna’s cheap perfume, which was all over her bed. Marci tries to leave, but she is drugged and passes out. Jenna drags the body out of the house and throws it in her trunk.

Glenn receives the wedding album and flips through the pages. He notices Jenna in the background of the photos watching him intently. “Woah, she wasn’t invited to the wedding.” he thinks and calls Marci to warn her. Then he visits Jenna’s house and finds his wife’s car and hears her banging from inside the trunk. Jenna hits Glenn in the back of the head and ties him up.

Jenna finishes off Marci, by putting her in the driver’s seat and sending the car off a cliff. Before the car goes over, Marci puts on her seat belt. When she wakes up, she makes it out of the car before it explodes. Marci makes it back to the road and calls the police.

Glenn wakes up to a room filled with stuffed animals for their wedding. Glenn calls Jenna crazy as she walks down the aisle to “Here Comes the Bride.” He tells her that he loves Marci and not her, which causes Jenna to tear off her wedding dress and grab a butcher knife.

Marci makes it back to the house and unties Glenn and tackles Jenna. Marci and Jenna have a fight scene, which includes kicking, grabbing, and vase smashing. Jenna gets away as the police pull up to the house.

Glenn carries Marci over the threshold, and they live happily ever after.

Jenna is now Karen and works for a wedding photographer. She sets her sights on a new goofy looking groom

Side Note

Minority Report: Wedding guest. Scott,

Even Glee’s Heather Morris can’t save this clunker.

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Overall rating

🔪 (1 Knife)

🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 (5 glasses of wine required.)