Christmas on the Farm (2022 Hulu)
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Cast: Poppy Montgomery, Darren McMullen, Hugh Sheridan, Nicholas Brown
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DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearlySynopsis (via Lifetime)
A New York socialite who fakes her identity to get her book published has to rush back to her deceased mother’s farm when the publisher and her son come to visit their ‘Australian’ author.
Hulu Christmas
Recap/Wine Thoughts
Big shot writer Emmy leaves New York abruptly to return to Australia because her mother died tragically. (Her publisher Leslie is heartless and texts/calls Emmy about her next book.) Her cousin David and his husband Miles are by her side. Also, by her side are a lot of wildlife. Snakes, Spiders, and roosters are all freaking Emmy out.
Emmy looks through her mother’s journals and talks with David about the farm and what they will do with it. Clementine, Emmy’s mother, was behind on the mortgage and took out loans that she couldn’t pay.
On the flight back, Emmy has a major case of writer’s block until she starts writing about her mother and what was in the journals. The book is rejected.
Jack London works for London and London, a rival publishing house his mother owns.
The two meet at an NYC bar and get properly drunk, dancing to “I’m blue Da ba dee da ba di.” When Emmy’s date does show up, Emmy and Jack kiss until he leaves, and then they go back to his place for some sexy time. Emmy cures Jack’s hangover with vinegar and milk.
Emmy reworks the manuscript in record time, but this time with lots of lies, and Jack London is charmed by the book. He decides he must track down the writer. When he gets Leslie on the line, she three-way calls Emmy, and they negotiate a million-dollar deal. The only problem is London and London want to experience the Australian Farm experience, as described in the book for Christmas.
Back in Australia, Emmy has to come up with a husband and a daughter. David and Miles argue over who is less gay and can play straight. Miles is confident that he can be macho. Then they run through a reason why the daughter is away for Christmas.
Farm Boot Camp Make Under happens! This montage includes Emmy doing farm chores and trying on overalls. They redecorate the house while trying to help Emmy regain her Australian accent, “TUNA!” or “CHYNA.” Finally, they dye her hair red, and Emmy looks like her mother.
Ellison and her son Jackson board their private jet and arrive early, sending the Australians into a tizzy. Emmy (as Clementine) is unrecognizable to Jack, but she remembers him and tries to hide her face with a fan. After awkward introductions, Emmy asks the boys to join her in the kitchen to help make drinks. She tells them that she slept with Jack in New York for a one-night stand.
The tour of Fig Tree Farm happens, and Emmy is out of her element. Jack is more into the animals, and when she tells him the horses are named after Elton John and Kiki Dee Dee, they sing “Don’t Go Breaking my Heart.)
A little girl named Violet almost ruins the ruse by showing up to feed the horses, and Jack assumes she is Clementine’s daughter. Emmy tells Violet she will pay her to play and stay the weekend. Violet agrees but has fun with it. Making rude comments at dinner and encouraging Emmy and Miles to kiss under the mistletoe.
Jack goes for a night swim in his boxer briefs in the moonlight, and Emmy follows him to enjoy the… view. (They do look at the stars, but I’m looking at Darren McMullen hot body.) Jack and Emmy rush out of the lake when they are bit by “Yabbies,” They wrestle in the mud, trying to get out. (These two actors are having a lot of fun.)
The next day, Jack and Emmy ride horses and talk about their lives. Jack says he really likes the farm life and is over-living in New York. The conversation is interrupted because the cow is about to give birth, and Clementine is an expert. She reluctantly helps birth Marilyn Moo-Row. (Violet named her.)
More of an interruption to the budding romance is Avalon, Jack’s not girlfriend. She shows up and asks Emmy if a pig is on the farm, Like Babe The Pig. Avalon tries to make up a story about her sick grandmother, who needs help. Emmy feels inadequate, but Violet talks her down and ensures Emmy that Jack obviously likes her more.
Christmas Trope Alert: Kids singing an Australian version of Jingle bells?
The movie suddenly remembers that it is Christmas and puts up some Christmas decorations.
On Christmas day, the brunch spread looks amazing. (Like, I’d like to know what is on the menu.) Emmy/Clemintine tries to make a speech, but they are all attacked by flies. Then they take dinner inside and drink champagne. Everyone seems to be having fun. When David offhandedly mentions milk and vinegar curing hangovers, Josh puts it all together. (With a little help from Avalon, who finds Emmy and Jack dancing at the bar on social media.)
Jack is hurt that Emmy would like and leave with his mother and Avalon. Who are both disgusted with Emmy’s lies.
David and Miles talk to Emmy and ask her what her mother would do, and Emmy realizes she needs to go after Jack, which causes a car chase scene. Emmy tries to apologize to Ellison and Jack. Then Emmy screams that she is in love with Jack, and they come screeching to a stop at a downtown Christmas festival.
Emmy makes an impassioned speech about not wanting to let him go on Christmas. (It’s very Titanic-y.) David tells her to “don’t…. go breaking my heart.” Before they start singing, Avalon interrupts and breaks up with Jack. Jack reminds everyone that they were never dating! Ellison also tells them that the deal is still on, and she wants to spend the holidays with her son. (She also tells David and Miles to join them on the book tour because they are hilarious.)
The town bursts into a rendition of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” At the same time the town is having a flash mob, Emmy and Jack kiss in fake glitter snow.
The end!
Side Note
I liked the movie ok, but it was not a Christmas movie at all.
Minority Report: Leslie, Miles, David
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Christmas Trees represent the Christmas vibes. *** I’ve updated the rating system. Wine is overall enjoyment (NOT a value judgment) on a 1-5 scale.
I will use the following tags for those who want to know if they should watch or skip: Pour it Up (Would Recommend) or Put A Cork In It (Would Not Recommend).
Overall rating
Christmas Feels
🎄 (1 Christmas Tree)
Enjoyment Level: 🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine.)
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