Drink, Slay, Love (2017 Lifetime)

Drink Slay Love  

Starring: Cierra Ramirez, Zack Peladeau, & Greg Sulkin

Synopsis (via Lifetime)
Pearl is a typical sixteen-year-old vampire. Fond of blood, allergic to the sun, and generally pretty evil. But after a mysterious attack leaves her able to survive in the daylight, everything changes. Pearl’s powerful family soon finds a way to take advantage of her new ability: they send Pearl to high school, to gather fresh young blood for an upcoming feast in honor of the Vampire King. The only problem? Pearl’s starting to grow a conscience. How can she serve up her new friends—especially the cute guy who makes her fangs ache—to be slaughtered? Then again, she’s definitely dead if she lets her family down. What’s a sun-loving vamp to do?

Thoughts

Drink, Slay, Love was originally a YA book published in 2011 by Sarah Beth Durst. Twilight Breaking Dawn- Part 2 came out in 2013. It is currently 2017…

We open up on Pearl and Jadrien (her boyfriend? Brother?) enjoying a night out on the town. They are just driving around, as teens do, and are looking for a late-night snack. Pearl ends up at an ice cream shoppe and you’d think she’d just get an ice cream. Instead she opts for Brad, the ice cream shoppe worker. Okay, so we are doing a vampire thing in 2017. Cool, cool. After Pearl is done drinking Brad, she follows a bird to an alley and gets staked through the heart. The end!

Just kidding. THEN we are treated to so much exposition and terrible vampire accents that I couldn’t keep up! Something about a vampire family, a king and queen, and a ceremony that only comes around every 100 years called, “full tea?” (Honestly. I could not understand the actress who delivered the line. I even rewound and added subtitles!!!)

Pearl is then back at it with her fave ice cream flavor, “You know my name? It’s on your name tag. Brad.” Something is off this time and she is kidnapped by some nerds with crossbows. She isn’t easily contained and pretty much strolls out on her captors, unlike any Lifetime movie previously. While casually strolling away, Pearl realizes that she is not being burned by sunlight. She is so distracted she bumps into a handsome stranger who offers her a ride, she refuses the offer and just steals his car and heads out to enjoy her new-found freedom.

After discovering the daylight isn’t that great (it is just coffee, cell phones, and yoga), Pearl heads back home for more exposition! The marble-mouthed mother vampire decides Pearl will go to high school to get invited into people homes so the family can drink their blood… I think. Antoinette (Pearl’s sister?) is a high-school movie aficionado and breaks down the social cliques: a brain…and an athlete…and a basket case…a princess…and a criminal. (You know, like that 80’s movie The Breakfast Club.)

Now in high school, Pearl is given a student guide, Bethany. They immediately bump into that handsome stranger and we discover his name is Evan. The expected high school things happen: art class, lunch, the weird bird comes back and guides Pearl to a dock, where she passes out. Typical high school! It turns out to be Evan’s dock and his intense/mysterious family is coming home.

More vampire exposition happens!

Pearl decides to join the prom committee to get all the students in one location for her vampire family to eat them, a blood bath as it were. Then she feels bad about it, Y’all! Pearl has to confess her true identity to Bethany, who is now (it is conveniently revealed) like a sister to Evan. They accept Pearl for who she is and forgive her for trying to kill the whole school. Turns out Evan is a healer and he was the bird all along. The three come together to stop the vampires from ruining prom.

So much dumb vampire exposition. Including a vampire king in a ruffle shirt and voice effect. The BIG plan they thought up to get the student out of the prom? Yell, “Harry Stiles is going to be at the after-party!”

Then after the after-party Pearl fights her sister and brother-boyfriend. But love conquers all and Evan and Pearl prevail. He even lets her feed on him, but they really just kiss and talk about college…. So sequel?

Side Note

Bella Thorne received a co-producer of this movie and was heavily featured in the promo for this movie. In the words of one of my favorite podcasts, Who Weekly, “Hood form, Bella Thorne (But you know, not really.)

Lifetime was a strange choice for this made for TV movie. If this had been on Freeform (RIP ABC Family) it would have been more on brand.

Cierra Ramirez was pretty dang cute. She managed her role and terrible dialogue well, all things considered.

This movie could have been better, or gooder…..

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Overall rating
 🔪 (1 Knife)

🍷🍷🍷🍷(4 glasses of wine required)