Suburban Swingers Club (2019 Lifetime)

Suburban Swingers Club

Stars: Dana Davis and Jesse Ruda

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

A young married couple makes a huge mistake by agreeing to participate in a secret swingers’ party in their suburban neighborhood, and soon both of them are being targeted by a jealous and homicidal neighbor.

Thoughts

Lori and Grant are moving into their dream home. It is beautiful! It has a pool, quartz countertops, and CHILDS TOYS?!?! (Get them OUT!) This is triggering for Grant and Lori because they recently had a miscarriage. Grant wants Lori to get over it because he is rude, and Lori actually does get over it when she notices her hot neighbor. (He is working constitution across the street. His name is Noah and has an aversion to shirts.)

Lori’s husband is pretty hot/shirtless too, but their relationship has cooled since the miscarriage. Derrick and Rachel (Their other neighbors) invite them to an exclusive neighborhood swingers party. Grant is into opening up their relationship and Lori is not. She shuts it down. (Even after Grant promises he will only be thinking of her the whole time. So sweet…?)

On a run, Lori meets Noah… who is also running, with his shirt off. (Man, James William O’Halloran is so fine.) Afterwards, she talks to her sister about Grant’s proposal and the sister talks Lori into it. Lori tells Grant she will do it but has a few rules:

1: Don’t pick up the phone

You know he’s only callin’ ’cause he’s drunk and alone

2: Don’t let him in

You’ll have to kick him out again

3: Don’t be his friend

You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning

And if you’re under him, you ain’t gettin’ over him

Just kidding, these are Dua Lipa’s New Rules.

The swingers party is very swanky and not kinky at all. Everyone is dressed in formal wear. The couples have to pick names out of a large glass chales. Grant gets partnered with Gissell and Lori gets partnered with Noah. (Who is, sadly, significantly less hot with his shirt on.) Grant and Lori hook up with their partners and then go home and hook up with each other. (Lots of strong male backs and thrusting here!) Just, as their relationship is on the mend Grant has to go out of town “for work”.

Noah invites Lori and Grant over for dinner. Lori is kind of freaked out because, you know, she had sex with him and never wanted to see him again. Noah and his wife, Olivia, are happy to have new friends. It seems like Lori and Noah are bonding and Grant and Olivia are jealous. Grant tells Lori that Noah is off the approved hookup list. They are still neighborly, but Grant doesn’t trust Noah.

The ban doesn’t last long. Lori runs into car trouble on her way to work and Noah (sweaty in a tank top) comes to her rescue. (Which causes flashbacks to their randevu.) Lori gets car oil on her shirt and goes to change and Noah follows her. Her pretty much assaults her in her closet and tells her that they should be together forever. He makes a copy of her house key and leaves. This is not sexy behavior!

Home alone, Lori keeps hearing sounds and walking around with a golf club, for protection. She tells Grant to install an alarm. (As a golf club can only do so much “protecting.”)

An alarm isn’t going to stop Noah. He shows up at Lori’s work and gives her some handcuffs he made out of wood (Thanks?) and then sends her a video her took of their hookup. He blackmails Lori and tells her her will send the video to all her contacts if she doesn’t meet up with him at a hotel in an hour. (Gross.)

At the hotel, Lori brings the handcuffs and seduces Noah into putting them on. Then she slaps the shit out of him, deletes the video, and leaves him. Lori also take a picture of Noah tied up and tells him to leave her alone or she will show the picture to everyone in the neighborhood. Later, she tells Grant who immediately rages out and goes to yell at Noah. He tells him her will KILL HIM.

Alone again, with still no alarm, Lori walks around with a golf club. To relax she pours her a glass of wine, but little does she know it has been roofied by Noah. Before she passes out completely, Lori calls Grant. She kind of remembers seeing Noah and Grant the night before but Grant promises her that it was all just a dream. (The bottle of wine is empty and the carpet is gone, because she “spilt wine on it”.), she finds a heart shape diamond charm,  and a knife is missing. Lori is VERY suspicious now.

Olivia shows up the next morning and she is frantic. Noah is missing. His body is found stabbed and dumped in the woods.

The detectives question Lori and Grant and notice a cut on Grant’s hand. Grant calls his lawyer and now Lori knows that something is up. She accuses him of being with Giselle and ruining everything they build. The lawyer won’t be able to stop the detective with a search warrant as they rancaic the house. Grant is taken into custody and accused of murder. (Grant’s footprints were at the crime scene and Noah’s blood was in the car.)

Grant tells Lori that he found the murder scene and cleaned it up, but he did not kill Noah. He does admit to cheating with Giselle and implicates she may be in on this murder. Giselle tells Lori to wake up, it is Olivia. (Noah’s wife.)

Lori goes to talk to Olivia and finds ticket to Puerto Vierta, a photo with the heart charm, and coffee with roofies in it. Lori plays it cool, and thankfully her sister arrives to get Lori out of there. Lori hatches a scheme for her sister to call threatening Olivia to get her out of the house to “meet at a cafe”. Lori goes over to the house to look for more evidence while the sister keeps a lookout.

Olivia doesn’t go to the cafe, she goes to Lori’s house and uses the golf club to knock the sister out. Olivia then finds Lori and gives her a tranquilizer, ties her up, and throws her in the trunk of her car. Olivia drives out to a random house in the middle of nowhere.

Olivia has her evil person monologue, while Lori cuts herself out of tape with a shard of glass. Lori calls her sister who is with the police. While they are on the way we see what really happened. Olivia killed Noah and framed Lori because he abused her and treated her like property. I mean you can’t really blame this woman, she was basically prostituted out to men in the neighborhood, so her husband could have affairs.

Grant is freed from prison and Lori is freed from Grant via divorce and her “perfect life”. Lori goes to live with her sister and leaves suburbia behind.

Side Note

Minority Report: Lori and her sister Kat. Also, the detectives on the case.

Reel One Entertainment, one of my fav production companies.

So many shirtless men in this movie. Thank you, Lifetime.

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Overall rating

🔪🔪🔪🔪   (4 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine required)

*Photo Credit: © 2019 Lifetime