She Inherited Danger (2023 Lifetime)
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Synopsis (via Lifetime)
A young woman inherits her grandfather’s theater and plans to sell it, but things get dangerous when she changes her mind and decides to re-open the beautiful landmark property herself. Starring Sarah Fisher and Conner Floyd.
Carly takes a road trip while listening to the lamest music. She gets a call from her ex-fiance/gambling addict Sam, who left for Vegas with a wedding fund. Carly won’t listen to his pleas to not end the relationship and hangs up on his ass. (Good for her, honestly!)
Carly heads back to her hometown to tour The Ritz, the old movie theater that isn’t too impressive. Carly’s friend Marina shows her around as they talk about the previous owner, Carly’s grandfather. She has inherited her grandfather’s home and the theater. Carly wants to sell the theater because she has a life and doesn’t want to do it! (Which is Fair!
Blake, a Califonia Handyman, is also new in town. He is looking for work and is kind of a vagabond staying at the local motel.
Carly meets with the town lawyer and then the town realtor, James. They were classmates in high school.
Sam doesn’t take long to track Carly down and stalk her.
“Oh Danny Boy” Solo happens randomly while Carly cleans and sees a piano. She misses her grandpa and looks through old photos, and finds a note written to her. The grandfather tells her that she deserves a martini. (Oh, no, it is a scavenger hunt. What is this Hallmark!)
Carly searches for clues, cracks her grandpa’s riddles easily, and discovers a film canister full of cold hard cash.
Carly asks Marina to go into business together and split the profit 50/50. They get a hold of Blake’s number. Blake gets a call, and the motel owner, Tammy, tells him someone is calling looking for work. (All she can look at is his shirtless body.)
The Lawyer, David, and James get wind that Carly isn’t selling the theater, and they seem upset. They try to dissuade her, but she is not changing her mind, especially after meeting Blake and seeing how hot he is.
While working on the theater, Carly, Marina, and Blake get to know one another better. They make corny jokes and toast to things like SErendipidy. (WTF is this movie? The tone is all over the place.) Marina is a Lesbian in a small town, which can’t be fun.
James and his brother Eric play basketball, and James mentions going off his medication. James talks about having a crush on Carly, but he thinks he blew it when he got mad when Carly said she wasn’t selling. His pills seem to make him more rational. He decides to apologize to Carly and invite her on a date. (She agrees to go but tells him she isn’t ready to be in a relationship.)
Sam shows up at the theater, and Carly is annoyed. Blake interrupts their argument, and Sam asks Sam to leave. Sam doesn’t go far because he is staying at Tammy’s motel too. Sam and Blake fight in the parking lot.
Blake brushes it off and goes back to work; he takes her to the basement, which is “spooky.” (The scariest thing is a mannequin head… i feel like I’m watching an extended episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark here.)
Slutty Motel Owner Tammy invites herself to Blakes’s room and pours him some whiskey. She asks to “touch his bat,” and he says he is “selective of who he lets touch it.” He tells her she is wasting her time and kicks her out. (It was a mismatch, TBH!)
Someone breaks into Carly’s house and leaves a note that says, “GO HOME!” (Maybe it is her dead grandfather!) James and his cop brother, Eric, show up to protect Carly. James gives her a gun for her protection. He tells her that the developers might be bullying her because she isn’t selling the theater, and they want to develop the land.
Another random sing-along happens. Martina plays the guitar and sings a song straight out of the Lilith Fair from the 90s.
James takes Carly out for target practice so she can use the gun he bought her. She is a “Regular Annie Oakley” (The theater references in this movie are KILLING ME SLOWLY.)
Sam tries to hit Carly up for money. She tells him to sell her engagement ring, but he already has. Carly tries to kick him out, and when he gets violent, she calls the police. Sam calls her a pathetic victim and then run away. (Haha! Loser)
Blake jumps to Carly’s defense, and the brawl again. The police show up and tell Carly to get a restraining order against Sam. She doesn’t have to because Sam ends up dead, so now this is a murder mystery?!?!?!?
Detectives question Tammy, and she tells them about Blakes’s bat, and by a bat, she does NOT mean penis. Black becomes the number one suspect because he has a baseball bat, a penis, and a past criminal record! (Carly is upset about two of the three of those things.)
Someone is framing Blake for Sam’s murder because he had a motive, and the police find a bloody baseball bat in his room.
Marina calls Carly from the theater, and she sounds in trouble. Carly rushes to the basement of the theater, the spooky one, and instead of a doll head, she finds Marina tied up and gagged.
James pulls a gun on Carly and tells her that she has got to sell the theater, or the development company will come after him. Carly says she is not going to sign anything, she pulls out the gun that he gave her and shoots, but it is blanks.
Slut Motel Owner Tammy strolls in and makes out with James. She was the mastermind behind everything and framed Blake as well. DAMN TAMMY! (I thought she was just horny.) They force Carly and Marina to the car at gunpoint and drive them to an abandoned farm. James plans to make it look like a murder-suicide.
Carly knocks James and runs into the shed, leaving poor Marina to get shot. Eric sees his brother about to kill Carly and stops him. The brothers argue, and Eric arrests James. They have a touching moment, but it is so dumb. (Like, James SHOULD be arrested, why is this so sappy.)
Marina survives, and the detective arrests the town lawyer and Tammy, the slut, whose characterization is horny; she hits on the arresting officer. (UGH!) The end.
Oh, wait, Carly has moved on with her life and will have to testify in court. She sees Blake at the local diner and decides to keep mixing business with pleasure. They make out, and the waitress is pleased with herself. She says a quippy line. The End
The movie won’t end! Now the theater opens, and it looks like NO ONE IS THERE. The end for real now.
It took two people to write this? All the theater references and innuendo. YIKES!
Alt title: Help Wanted
Minority Report: Lawyer, Marina, Detective Jackson
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Number of Kills:
🔪 (1 knives)
Enjoyment Level (1-5 scale)
Should you watch it?
Pour it up! (Give it a shot)
Put a Cork in It (Skip It)
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