Family Vanished (2018 Lifetime)

Family Vanished (2018 Lifetime)

Cast: Kelly Packard, Jennifer Taylor, Madison Dirks, Todd Cahoon, Jett Wilder, Elise Luthman

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

A happy family returns from a vacation to find their home invaded by a criminal family and must fight for survival

Thoughts

Mike and Carol, not Brady, wake up on a sunny morning wearing gloves. Then they wake up their hacker daughter Marcia. (The Brady Bunch thing is killing me.) They are living in the house live they own it while wearing plastic gloves. It is strange.

Lisa, Brian, and April, the REAL family who live in the suburban house, come home earlier than expected. They are surprised to be taken hostage by their evil counterparts. (Who happens to all be brunette.) Carol goes on a rant about the rich being empty inside.

The neighbor, Peter (Ugh), stops by to check on the family and is surprised to see they are home early. Brian convinces the neighbor that everything is fine while being held at knifepoint. Then April makes a run for it and is chased by Marcia and dragged back into the house by her hair. Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! is a badass. 

 Lisa is an art dealer and recently sold a painting for a lot of money. Carol forces her to cash the check to get them more money. $675, to be exact. The money will take a while to come into the bank, and it looks like the families will be together overnight. 

Mike sets his sights on Brian and his safe. They go upstairs to a secret attic to open the safe. When Brian refuses, Mike ties up Brian and takes his inhaler. (He has asthma.) They leave him in the 90-degree room for a few hours. 

Mike then takes Lisa to the safe and forces her to open it. Lisa grabs the gun in the safe and tries to take control of the situation. Unfortunately, She is overpowered by Mike and almost sexually assaulted. Carol walks in on Mike and stops him. 

Brian is taken down from the attic and forces to drink water from a bowl and bark like a dog. He goes into an asthma attack, much to the amusement of the evil Bradys. Then Brian is forced to strip in front of the family and take a bath. Mike dunks Brian’s head in the water to show Lisa and April that they are serious and need the money from the bank.

After bathtime, Carol reads Lisa’s diary for storytime. Lisa’s diary reveals that she had an affair with her neighbor Peter. Brian is humiliated and upset. Lisa apologizes, but Brian can’t forgive her. 

The following day, Lisa is let out of the house to get the money from the bank. Mike promises that is she tells anyone or messes up; he will kill her family. Lisa and Carol drive to the bank.

At the bank, Lisa meets with Mr. Buckly, the branch manager who has bags full of cash. He is cautious about handing over that much cash and asks if anyone is forcing her to withdraw the money. Carol and Mike watch on the surveillance camera and tells Lisa to move along. Lisa follows their orders but steals a letter opener Then the police show up, and Mike is ready to shoot Lisa’s family. 

Lisa smooths things over with the police and gets out of there. Carol rides in the backseat and holds a gun to Lisa’s head as they drive back to the house. Peter, the neighbor, sees them pull into the driveway and is suspicious. 

The bad Bradys have their money and start their exit strategy. They wash the bed sheets and then take the family to s secluded desert. Peter follows the car into the middle of nowhere. While they drive, Lisa uses the letter opener to cut through her restraints. 

While they are being led blindfolded and that is when Lisa makes her move. She hits Carol with a log while Mike chases Peter with a gun. Lisa, Brian, and April make their escape. Peter isn’t so lucky, and he is murdered in cold blood. 

The family manages to hitchhike a ride back into town and report everything to the police. The police are on the case, and things return to normal. Brian and Lisa change the locks on their home and are overly cautious. April couldn’t care less and returns to her teenage ways. 

The police start to question Lisa and Brian and start to suspect that they are lying. The couple does some research online and finds a cafe that Marcia was complaining about to clear their name. They eventually see Marcia in disguise and follow her to the bad Brady’s house. 

Armed with a bat, Lisa and Brian break into the house and beat the crap out of Mike. Then they tie him up. They get Carol next and tie her up but are almost stopped by Marcia. April arrives just in time to knock her out with a bat before she can shoot April’s parents. Brian gets his revenge by making Mike bark like a dog. 

Charges are brought against the bad Bradys after the police receive an “anonymous” tip. Lisa, Brian, and April deny going to the cabin and assaulting the family. Then they return home.

Side Note

Minority Report: Mr. Buckly, 

The movie starts out at a ten, and it is hard to sustain that much Lifetime camp. Also, I was rooting for the bad guys who whole time. 

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Overall rating

🔪🔪 🔪 (3 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine required.)

*Photo Credit: © 2018 Lifetime® | A+E Networks®

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On October 27th, friend/co-host/producer of Lifetime Uncorked Drewbear suffered a stroke and was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery. The surgery went well, and doctors are assessing what his road to recovery will look like. Please consider helping by donating to the GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/drews-current-situation The podcast will be taking an indefinite hiatus. (Patrick will continue to run the blog and social media for Lifetime Uncorked. The future of the podcast is unknown at this time. We hope to return in some capacity soon!) We would like to thank our listeners for four years of laughter, Lifetime, and wine. We are pouring it up for you all. — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/lifetime-uncorked/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lifetime-uncorked/support
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