The Wife He Met Online (2012 Lifetime)

The Wife He Met Online (2012 Lifetime)

Stars: Sydney Penny, Cameron Mathison, Cynthia Preston, Sophie Gendron

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

Starring Cameron Mathison, Barbara Niven, & Sydney Penny. A single father comes across an online profile for a woman in Los Angeles. After dating for two months, the couple is married—but it’s a far cry from newlywed bliss.

Thoughts

Georgia and Bryant met on “Cupid’s Place.com” (a terrible website name.) On the wedding day, Georgia and Bryant (Hallmark Hunk, Cameron Mathison.) recall when they met to a reporter.

In flashbacks, they talk to friends about online dating and how weird it is. We see the long-distance online relationship developing. (From online chatting, emails, video calls, and finally an in-person date.) Bryant flys to LA and hits it off with Georgia. They have cosmos and kiss in restaurants. Then a sex scene happens, and you see some Cameron Mathison side butt. (Okay, old school Lifetime was horny.)

Back in present-day Georgia puts on her wedding dress, and a co-worker of Bryant’s named Zenya rushes the bridge to get ready. Barbara Niven plays Georgia’s mom, and she casually mentions Georgia’s last relationship. The one where Georgia threw gasoline on his bed and burned all his belongings. (We see this in flashback, this movie loves a flashback.)

Bryant has a daughter named Megan and an ex-wife named Virginia. Virginia is surprisingly supportive of Bryant on his wedding day. She thinks the relationship happened too quickly and won’t be staying for the big day.

The wedding happens, and everything is going fine until Georgia sees Zenya talking to her husband. She gets so angry that she draws blood from clenching her fist and gets blood on her dress. Bryant calms her down and is very loving. He is the best and deserves better than little miss crazy pants.

Megan recaps the wedding to her mother, Virginia, and Virginia is surprised to learn that none of her family could make the wedding. MEANING BARBARA NEVIN IS A PSYCHOTIC HALLUCINATION! (When the movie reveals this, Barbra Nevin stands in the hallway and makes squinty eyes as suspenseful music swells.)

The newlyweds consummate their marriage. Georgia has more flashbacks of her ex-boyfriend, and he was trying to get her to take her medication. Georgia is clearly off her meds now and tries to hack into Bryant’s phone while he sleeps.

The next morning Zenya calls Bryant and needs to work on a project. Georgia is jealous that her husband is working on a Sunday with another woman and hangs out at the office while they work. Zenya even lets Georgia use her computer. Georgia looks at Zenya’s dating profile and is disgusted; she calls her stupid and creates a fake profile named “Wine Lover Mark.” Later, Georgia starts a fake online relationship with Zenya. (While ghost Barbara Niven taunts her.)

Co-parenting also gets in the way of Georgia’s plans. She is annoyed when Virginia calls and talks about Megan’s softball schedule. Bryant has a work event and will miss a game. Georgia invites herself to go with him, but he tells her significant others aren’t allowed. This makes Georgia suspicious she has it in her head that Bryant and Zenya are going to Martha’s Vinyard.

When Megan is left alone with Georgia, Georgia snaps at her over a laptop. Megan cries and calls her mom, but is won over by bribes from Georgia. When Virginia shows up, she finds everything in order. She calls Georgia’s previous employed, pretending to be a potential employer to get more info on Georgia’s background.

Georgia tries to get Zenya to go out on a date. Zenya declines because she still has feelings for her ex. Zenya and Bryant dated recently after his divorce. Georgia accuses him of cheating on her, and he promises that he would never cheat or lie to her. They have makeup sex and cuddle in bed. Georgia opens up about her mother dying when she was young, her father abandoning her, and being emotionally manipulated by her mother when she was alive. (Sad.)

It is time for the work trip, so Georiga tampers with Zenya’s car. Zenya is leaving late at night and doesn’t notice the gasoline dripping from her car and heading towards a lit cigarette. She does notice Georgia driving by and smiling. The vehicle explodes, and Georgia is happy. Brant is not happy when he gets the call late at night about the death of his co-worker.

A funeral happens for Zenya, and honestly, I’m surprised this movie has a CGI explosion AND a funeral budget?!?! Bryant speaks at the funeral, and Georgia is so pissed she storms out in the middle of the service screaming, “God Damn It!” She goes home and cries in the bathroom. Bryant rushes home, and Georgia yells at him for being in love with Zenya. He asks why she is acting this way and hugs her. He cares for her and wants to help. Georgia needs to see a mental health specialist. Thankfully, Bryant arranges an appointment. He also recommends that Virginia and Megan keep their distance for a while.

Megan gets a call from Geoffrey Westlin (Georgia’s ex-boyfriend.) on Virginia’s home phone. Thinking he mistakenly called the wrong house, Megan calls Georgia to give her the message and throws it in the trash. Georgia knows that everything is about to come crashing down.

Virginia and Geoffrey Westlin connect, and he warns her that Georgia burned down his house, and Georgia’s mother died in a house fire, where all the doors were locked, but Georgia somehow managed to escape. (Georgia is a pyro.) Virginia realizes Georga is dangerous and calls Bryant at work with an emergency phone call. Virginia tries to explain herself, but Bryant isn’t getting it.

Georgia bursts into Bryant’s office and sees him on the phone. Georgia demands to know what Virginia said. Georgia screams about people never believing her and rushes up a back stairwell to the roof. Georgia pulls out a knife and threatens to kill herself by cutting? (Not jumping off the roof?) Bryant realizes that Georgia killed Zenya. He begs her to tell him she didn’t do it. Even though she knows she killed his co-worker, he tells her that he loves her and goes in for a hug. Georgia stabs him in the stomach. They wrestle over the knife but are stopped by a co-worker who is coming to the roof. (To also off himself?)

The co-worker calls the police, but Georiga gets away.

Bryant and Virginia are back together and thankful to be alive. At a BBQ, a package arrives, and it is from Georgia. I think it is a DVD. I haven’t seen some in so long, I forget what they look like. Bryant throws it in the trash.

Cut to NYC, where Georgia is living her best life in a terrible wig and worse southern accent. She is online dating again.

Side Note

Minority Report: Rebecca, Rebecca’s daughter.

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Overall rating

🔪🔪🔪 (3 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine required.)