My Professor’s Guide to Murder (2023 Lifetime)
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Cast: Kristen Edwards, Rae DeRosa, Landon Ashworth,
Director: Haylie Duff
Writer: Ken Miyamoto
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DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearlySynopsis (via Lifetime)
A bestselling murder-mystery writer is invited to be a guest lecturer at a prestigious university when a graduate student begins to suspect he is responsible for a grisly campus murder.
Recap/Wine Thoughts.
The movie starts with a voice-over telling a creepy story of a woman running from a man in a hospital. The voice is of Miles Blake, a handsome new professor/murder mystery author. He is reading his book to an audience of enwrapped middle age female fans.
Miles Blake is teaching a semester to take a break, work on his next bestseller, and hang with some coeds. (Do people still stay coeds?)
Speaking of college students, Grad Students Ashley is working on her master’s thesis and has to write a novel by the end of the semester. Professor Door, the head of the English department, asks Ashley to be Miles Blake’s TA. Rival (Gay?) student David is Jealous that he didn’t get the opportunity.
Ashley’s friend Jordan is supportive and thinks Miles Blake is a catch. She teases Ashley that they are going to fall in love. Jordan studies criminology and will work in the morgue for her final semester.
Miles Blake arrives on campus and meets Ashley. He compliments her writing and walks around campus. He lives in a house nearby and tells her he is also working on a new novel.
THERE IS A RANDOM BULLY?!!?! He bumps into David and looks like he is 15.
The bully comes into class and stabs a student in front of everyone. It is a staged murder mystery. (Eye roll! If I were in this class, I’d be so annoyed. I’d also probably have better grammar!) David, on the other hand, is THRILLED!
Jordan and Ashley run into Miles Blake at the local bar and share a drink with him. David jealously watches them and then angrily goes home and trashes his room.
Miles Blake assigns his students an assignment to “plan the perfect murder.” David seems a little bit too intrigued.
Ashley has a weird feeling that someone is following her after leaving Miles Blake’s house. She has a reason to do so because an underclassman named Kate feels the same way, and someone kidnaps her and throws her in a well. Then fills it up with a garden hose. (Haha!)
Miles Blake shows up to class with a cut on his hand, and Ashley asks him about it. He defects by inviting her to dinner to talk about her writing. He tells her to tap into the mindset of a killer.
A random young couple makes out by a lake and finds Kate’s dead body. The news rattles the campus, and Miles Blake cancels his class. Ashley talks to Miles about theories, and Miles tells her it is inappropriate to speculate. They are NOT detectives.
That doesn’t stop Ashley from finding David’s address online and tracking him down. (All while her cellphone battery is dead! The girl needs a new phone.) Ashley finds a wall of Post-its and pictures. David catches her and explains that he has been in the university hospital with the flu.
Next, Ashley talks to Professor Dorr and shares her concerns about David. He doesn’t think David is a killer.
Jordan comes home from work and shares the autopsy results of Kate with Ashley. Kate died from dehydration, and the water in her lungs wasn’t lake water. The info gets Ashley’s wheels turning.
David visits Miles Blake at home to discuss his perfect murder paper. Miles Blake pours a couple of glasses of scotch and toasts to a writer’s demise. David is worried because his story is similar to Kate’s death. Miles Blake promises to keep it between them and compliments his inventiveness.
Somehow, Jordan and Miles Blake end up back at the bar together. He buys her a drink and asks her to go on a late-night walk. Jordan starts to feel woozy, and Miles Blake asks her what it feels like to “know you are going to die.” He admits to drugging her and tells her how he planned her perfect murder.
Miles Blake throws Jordan in the trunk of his car after she passes out.
Ashley emerges from a self-imposed writing lockdown two days later and calls Jordan. Good news Ashley finished her book! Bad news Jordan is in the well with the hose.
Jordan screams at Miles Blake and tells him he sucks. He explains that it is the only way he knows how to write murder so well. Then he turns on the hose, which is the least threatening visual and reminds me of Silence of the Lambs. “It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again!”
Ashley tries to locate Jordan and searches Mile’s house after a bartender tells her he saw them together. Then Ashley hears Jordan screaming for help as she treads water in the well. Ashley turns off the water and throws the hose down for Jordan to climb. Ashley is distracted and doesn’t see Miles Blake with a shovel. He bonks her on the head.
Miles Blake explains that he needs to KNOW what it feels like, and he wasn’t impressed with Kate the first time, so he targeted Jordan because she was a strong swimmer. While he is talking, Jordan climbs up and distracts Miles Blake long enough for Ashley to push him in the well.
One Year Later, Ashley has a best-selling novel and plans on writing true crime. The end!
Side Note/Stray Thoughts
Commercial breaks were strange for this one; they just kind of popped in the middle of scenes.
Minority Report: Ashley, Liam, Friend, Reporter, Students,
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Overall rating
Number of Kills:
🔪 (1 knife)
Enjoyment Level (1-5 scale)
🍷🍷🍷 (3 Glasses of Wine)
Should you watch it?
Pour it up! (Give it a shot)
Put a Cork in It (Skip It)
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Step 1. Wait for the main characters best friend to get into their unlocked car. Step 2. Strangle them from the backseat.
WTF. Is that a “review”? Nope. It’s a synopsis. Was the movie any good? Yes/No and Why is a review. BTW “Do people still stay coeds?” Yes, unless they transition.
It literally says “Synopsis” at the top.
Killed two. Definitely killed David because he stole David’s perfect murder idea. Made it look like suicide.