12 Men of Christmas (2009 Lifetime)

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Was this ever sexy?

12 Men of Christmas (2009 Lifetime)

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Cast: Kristin Chenoweth, Will Albrecht, Anna Chlumsky, Stephen Huszar

Director: Arlene Sanford

Writer(s): Jon Maas, Phillipa Ashley

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

When die-hard New Yorker and publicist E.J. Baxter (Chenoweth) loses both her high-powered Manhattan job and her lawyer-fiance at her office Christmas party, she winds up taking a job and moving to Montana. To help the local search-and-rescue station raise desperately needed funds, she convinces the male rescue workers to pose for a naked calendar. Along the way, she discovers what really matters to her and wins the heart of one of the pin-ups!

Recap/Wine Thoughts!

Kristin Chenoweth has it ALL! She is a New Yorker with the perfect apartments, a job in PR, and a Fiance named Noah. She is also NICE (or mean, depending on how you feel about the band.), giving her assistant Coldplay tickets!

At the Christmas party, Noah’s contacts start acting up, and he tells Kristin Chenoweth to enjoy the party while he goes to the bathroom to adjust. Kristin Chenoweth freshens up in the powder room and looks at people’s shoes in the stalls. She notices Noah’s shoes with a pair of Gucci Pumps. Her Brunette Boss is hooking up with Noah! Kristin Chenoweth breaks the heel of Boss Lady’s shoe and breaks it off with Noah.

Kristin Chenoweth packs up her desk from the office, and Noah asks for the ring back on her way out! She goes home and watches Miricle on 34th Street while crying and eating Chinese food. Then Christmas is OVER, and it is New Year’s.

New Year, New Me! Kristin Chenoweth is starting to work on her contacts and wants to start her own PR firm by poaching clients. She gets a job offer from the Montana Board of Tourism. Kristin Chenoweth can’t leave the big city for 12 months, but a job is a job.

Kristin Chenoweth drives with a map and is unimpressed by the scenery but is impressed with the rent in Montana! ($525 for a whole ass house!) When she meets the town’s Mayor, Kristin Chenoweth insists on an assistant and an office. She is given a desk, and Jan! (Anna Chlumsky!)

Will is a small-town hunk named Will (The George Clooney of Kalispell.) who knows everyone there. While chatting up the post office work, Kristin Chenoweth cuts in front of him in line. They don’t get off to a good start.

Kristin Chenoweth runs into ANOTHER small-town hunk named Eric at the Fire and Rescue BBQ. He saves people from literal avalanches. He offers to help Kristin Chenoweth with anything she needs while getting settled and later drops off calendars at her office. (Jan seems to have a crush on him.)

While looking at a potential event venue, she finds Will skinny dipping! They make a lot of double entendre about growing and showing and penis.

Kristin Chenoweth thinks of a way to raise money, a naked man calendar! She makes a pitch at the fire station, and the men laugh off her idea until they see the figures and the marketing opportunity. Kristin Chenoweth tells them they are REAL men, despite the fact they are all Lifetime Hunks.

Kristin Chenoweth works on nailing down the 12 Men of Christmas! Mayor Bob is on board, as is Hot Cop Henry (who later will be a coach on Biggest Loser).), a pair of rival brothers, Stephen Huszar, with long hair (yikes!), even religious Eric, but no Will!

The men start comparing bodies in the locker room and having “locker room talk.” Their girlfriends and wives start pulling donuts from their hands.

When I say AB Sailing, you say, “What is that?!” Apparently, it is rappelling down a cliffside. I, like Kristin Chenoweth, would have worn sailing apparel because the assignment wasn’t clear! The Montanaians make fun of her until she nails it. Kristin Chenoweth runs into some trouble, and Will comes to her rescue! (Is she falling for him?)

Will has a change of heart and sponsors the calendar. Then he tells Kristin Chenoweth that he has feelings for her before dragging her and telling her he is repulsed by her bad attitude. Kristin Chenoweth tells him she doesn’t need his sponsorship.

Photoshoot montage! We’ve got the Mayor in a hot tub, a hunk fishing, a hunk by a tree, a hunk camping, a hunk with a dog, a hunk chopping a tree. They are all clearly just shirtless. It’s a pretty long montage! One guy drops out, and they are missing Mr. December!

Will sets up, or giddy ups, with a horse and champagne. The least sexy photo shoot.

The town’s response is to make fun of the 12 Men of Christmas, which is rude. THEY ARE VOLUNTEER FIREFIGHTERS RASING MONEY FOR THE TOWN!!!

We are back in the holiday season, and Kristin Chenoweth gets the calendar prints. They throw a release party an suddenly everyone is on board. The music slows down and everyone starts slow dancing. Kristin Chenoweth is very short.

Jan answers Kristin Chenoweth’s cellphone, and it is the Gucci Pump Boss with a job offer. Will overhears and thinks Kristin Chenoweth is leaving him. They get into an argument, and she brings up his bad-boy past. Kristin Chenoweth decides to move back to New York and take the job.

In New York, Kristin Chenoweth keeps thinking about life back in Montana. She leaves the city in the middle of a presentation after hearing of an avalanche. She rushes to the hospital, and the nurse says, “He’s gone!” Kristin Chenoweth takes this to mean he is dead. Then Will shows up in crutches and makes out with Kristin Chenoweth. (Much to the disappointment of the nurse who rips up her Mr. December page on her calendar.)

The movie ends with a gathering while it snows outside. The end!

Side Note/Stray Thoughts

My favorite review on IMDB of this movie:

“Honestly, I watched this one because I had nothing better to do, and I was enjoying my supper meanwhile. MY supper, how was it? Good! This movie, 12 Men of Christmas? Are you kiddin’?”

While people may remember this Lifetime holiday movie fondly, it has little to do with Christmas.

Overall rating

Put a Cork in It (Skip it!)

Christmas Feels: 🎄 (1 Christmas Trees)

Enjoyment Level: 🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine.)

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