The Archer (2018 Lifetime)

The Archer (2018 Lifetime)

Cast: Bailey NobleJeanine MasonBill SageTimothy Granaderos

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

Overnight Lauren Pierce went from high school archery champion to inmate at an all-girls’ reform camp. Realizing the “camp” is a corrupt and twisted prison, Lauren and another prisoner escape with the warden hot on their trail. Bailey Noble, Jeanine Mason, Michael Grant Terry, Bill Sage star. (2018)

Thoughts

The movie begins with a teen with bloody claw marks on her body, looking at a severed arm and running through the woods. 

Flash to four weeks earlier at a high school marksmen tournament. BFFs/teammates Lauren and Emily are behind, and it is on Lauren to win. Her coach tells her that she could kill anyone in the audience with her bow and arrow. (Which is strange encouragement.) They win and celebrate by jumping on the bed and exchange friendship bracelets. Emily’s abusive boyfriend Daniel wrecks the party and gets physical with Emily. Lauren beats the crap out of him like a badass. (You go gurl!)

Daniel presses assault charges, and she has to appear in court. It doesn’t go well because Emily doesn’t testify on her friend’s behalf. The judge sentences her to a weird juvenile detention place. Lauren is forced to remove her friendship bracelet AND put on granny panties. She spends days running in a field while dragging a cinderblock. 

At lunch, Lauren gets the breakdown from a tween. Becky is dragged in by guards in shackles because she is dangerous! Becky eats without her hands and tells Lauren that she will be stuck in this dump until 21. Guards abuse the girls mentally and physically. Particularly by Michael, who has a peephole in the showers and masturbates while watching them. (Which is a lot, Lifetime!)

Lauren sneaks out to call Emily and ask her best friend to testify on her behalf. Emily is on Daniel’s side and thinks that everything is her fault. Making the call, of course, gets her in trouble, and she is forced to meet with the warden or whatever, his name is Bob. He is Michael’s father. As punishment, Bob gives Lauren an additional year in prison. Lauren and Becky freak out and attack him. They are assigned to clean up shit, literally. 

Becky and Lauren continually attempt to seduce Michael and then team up and attacking him. In the middle of nowhere, the girls are successful. Lauren kills him by throwing a rock at his head. They drag his body through the woods and tie him up to a tree. He is alive, but now he is gagged and tied in the middle of the forest. The girls make a run for it, to where? I have no idea. 

Eventually, they find a cabin that belongs to Michael and Bob. It is full of food and running water. While Lauren is showering (This time with no one watching.) Becky finds a locked chest full of money and a notebook. She is so excited that she gets into the shower with Becky and tells her. There is some sexual tension here, which is unexpected. The shower hookup is cut short when Bob comes to the cabin after a long hard day of being the worst. 

Bob finds Becky and throws her around until Lauren shows up with her bow and arrow. She tells him to face the wall, and when he doesn’t, Lauren pins his hand to the wall with an arrow giving the girls a chance to escape. They cut the phone line and smash his cellphone and run back into the woods. When Bob runs to his car, she shoots out his tires one at a time. 

Lauren and Becky realize that Bob is working with the judge to keep the teen jail filled for government funding. They decide instead of leaving, they will free the other girls and stop the whole operation. 

After receiving a lashing with a belt from his father (ugh!) Michael tracks Lauren and Becky down. They want the money back. Bob tells Lauren that she is a fugitive and Becky is a lost cause. Lauren tells Becky to make a run for it, and they split up.

There is a big chase scene, and Lauren is stuck on top of a mountain with Michael. He tazes her and whips her with a belt as his father did him. She agrees to give him the notebook (Which is a ledger.) and throws it off the cliff. His dumb ass follows the notebook headfirst and dies. 

Lauren and Becky reunite and rush to the car. Bob stops Lauren by shooting her in her shooting hand. He wants to kill them both for killing his son. Bob shoots Becky in the leg and starts to strangle her. Lauren drags her hand up the arrow and frees herself. IT IS SO GROSS. She pulls out the bow and arrow and takes Bob out. 

Lauren and Becky kiss and cry, then they walk to freedom together, arm in arm. 

Side Note

Minority Report: Cop, Nancy, Elven, Jesse, Becky, Secretary, 

Inspired by actual events… IF THE HUNGER GAMES WERE AN ACTUAL EVENT. 

This was one of the gorier Lifetime movies.  

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Overall rating

🔪🔪🔪 (3 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷 (3 glasses of wine required.)

*Photo Credit: © 2018 Lifetime® | A+E Networks®

Podcast Hiatus: Thank you for listening! Lifetime Uncorked

On October 27th, friend/co-host/producer of Lifetime Uncorked Drewbear suffered a stroke and was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery. The surgery went well, and doctors are assessing what his road to recovery will look like. Please consider helping by donating to the GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/drews-current-situation The podcast will be taking an indefinite hiatus. (Patrick will continue to run the blog and social media for Lifetime Uncorked. The future of the podcast is unknown at this time. We hope to return in some capacity soon!) We would like to thank our listeners for four years of laughter, Lifetime, and wine. We are pouring it up for you all. — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/lifetime-uncorked/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lifetime-uncorked/support
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