The Madame of Purity Falls (2019 Lifetime)

The Madame of Purity Falls  

Stars: Kristanna Loken, Trevor Stines, Olivia d’Abo

Listen to the Lifetime Uncorked Podcast here!

Synopsis (via Lifetime)

After the tragic death of her husband, a mother moves her teenage son and daughter to the idyllic town of Purity Falls only to find the rift with her son deepen when he becomes entrapped in the neighborhood maven’s nefarious home business

Thoughts

The movie starts off with a shirtless dude with a nice booty, named Jason. He is playing football with his sister… Justine. Their parents are grilling and the dad is touching his left arm a lot and grimacing. Instead of being concerned Jason bullies his old man into throwing the pigskin around. This causes a father to have a heart attack and die. (Like I’ve always said, football kills.)

Nicole (now widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine move to Purity falls. Jason wants to bring his dad’s rifle in the house but Justine is not having it! (It will come back.) Jason runs to the back yard and hits things to take out his manly aggression. He finds a football and angrily throws it in a bush… the bush says, “Ouch!” A young hot shirtless man pops out. (At this point, I’m thinking of moving to Purity Falls.) His name is Chad and he is moving out of town and probably sleeping with the cougar neighbor.

Speaking of cougars (is this term over? Please God let it be over)… Courtney is their Australian neighbor she drops off some Italian home cooked dinner for the family and sexily eyes Jason. (Like I would eye that Lasana.) She recruits Jason to work with her for her “landscaping business” and bonds with Nicole over having lost her husband too. 

In a towel, Chad hears a noise downstairs. He puts on pants, but no shirt, and goes to investigate. In his backyard, by the pool, he gets knocked in the head and drowned by a hooded figure. Poor Chad!  

Nicole (still widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine go to Purity Fall High School. Nicole is going to be the guidance counselor and Jason is making friends with Daniel from the wrestling team. Then we watch teenage boys wrestle and they talk about taking showers… this movie is pretty homoerotic. Then again, gay guys and cougars are basically the same thing.

Jason goes over to his neighbors house and asks for the landscaping job. Instead of getting a job, he gets laid. (THEN, he gets the job.) Courtney gives him money and his first client information. He showers she takes pictures of him and then joins him in the shower. 

The next day, Jason goes to his first clients house and takes off his shirt immediately. It is Aunt Zelda (Beth Broderick)  from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. She tries to take him inside for sexy time, but Jason knocks over a plant and then runs off. He goes to Courtney and is like “WTF!” Courtney explains that she is not selling lawnboys she is selling male sex workers to housewives in Purity Falls. Her clients are judges, doctors, lawyers, not just housewives. (Thank you Lifetime for acknowledging women have jobs!) Jason tells her that he is out and Courtney acts like it is cool, but she is not happy.

After realizing that his mother is having money problems, Jason decides to work for Courtney afterall. Courtney is thrilled to have him and gives him a used car to get around easier. His first client makes him strip in front of her and then they have sex on a chaise lounge. The scene is very long.

Later, on another job. Beth Broderick is squeezing Jason’s booty (Get it Beth!) and making out with him when her husband comes home. She hides Jason in the closet and then has him sneak out while she is having sex with her husband. Since he leaves in a hurry, he drops his belt. Causing the husband to find out and Beth Broderick facing a divorce and losing everything (She stupidly signed a prenup.)

Jason doesn’t want the stress in his life and quits. Courtney doesn’t take it well and puts in a call. When he is in the shower in the locker room Jason is approached by Benjamin. (the first young man in this movie with his shirt on.) Benjamin holds him at knife point until he agrees to see clients again. 

Courtney has a party at her house and invites Nicole, along with all the important people in town. At the party are a bunch of young men working as waiters and Nicole is starting to piece things together when she sees a cougar slap one of the young men on his ass. She also walks in on Daniel having sex with the town Judge. Also at the party, Beth Broderick threatens to tell everyone in the town about Courtney’s sex ring if she doesn’t pay her one hundred thousand dollars. (She blames Courtney for her husband leaving her.)

The blackmail doesn’t work and Benjamin comes over pretending to seduce Beth Broderick. He instead stangels Beth Broderick but, she manages shoots him in the stomach. (Fighting till the end, because she is a badass.) Benjamin pleads for Courtney to help him with his gun wound and she asks him if he killed Chad, which he did. She gets him to confess to betraying her and then lets him bleed out.

Meanwhile, Nicole and jason get into a fight because she doesn’t want him hanging around with Daniel. Jason goes back to the cabin from the beginning of the movie. He holds a football and thinks about Chad. (Because he loved him? Haha, no… I’m not sure why!)

Daniel and Jason hatch a plan to get Courtney’s client book and give it to the police. Jason goes over to Courtney’s house posing as a callboy who is ready to work. The mayor shows up, who is a man, and wants to have Jason to himself. (With handcuffs and a some whips.) Jason is REALLY freaked out by man on man action. The mayor catches Jason trying to steal the client list. They fight but Courtney pulls out a gun takes Jason to the garage. She ties him up and duct tapes his mouth.

Nicole and Justine learn about the murders in town and Nicole goes next door to confront Courtney. Nicole finds Jason in the garage but hears a noise and decides to hides behind a tractor. When Courtney comes back Nicole attacks her. They struggle and Nicole stabs Courtney in the neck with a screwdriver. Jason and Nicole run out of the garage and are almost shot to death by Courtney, but Justine shows up with her dad’s rifle and shoots Courtney first. THe family is saved and the madame of Purity Falls is dead.

Six months later, Nicole (still widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine, throw a party at the cabin. Thee end!

Side Note

Minority Report: Zero POC’s in this movie.

Trevor Stines is shirtless for most of this movie and I wasn’t mad about it. He is in great shape.

Don’t forget to listen to the Lifetime Uncorked Podcast available on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcast!

Overall rating

🔪🔪🔪   (3 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷🍷 (4 glasses of wine required)

*Photo Credit: © 2019 Lifetime

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