The Madam of Purity Falls (2019 Lifetime)

The Madam of Purity Falls

Cast: Kristanna Loken, Trevor Stines, Olivia d’Abo

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Synopsis (via Lifetime)

After the tragic death of her husband, a mother moves her teenage son and daughter to the idyllic town of Purity Falls only to find the rift with her son deepen when he becomes entrapped in the neighborhood maven’s nefarious home business

Thoughts

The movie starts off with a shirtless dude with a nice booty, named Jason. He is playing football with his sister… Justine. Their parents are grilling, and the dad is touching his left arm a lot and grimacing. Instead of being concerned, Jason bullies his old man into throwing the pigskin around. This causes a father to have a heart attack and die. (Like I’ve always said, football kills.)

One year later. Nicole (now widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine move to Purity falls. Jason wants to bring his dad’s rifle in the house, but Justine is not having it! Jason runs to the back yard and hits things. He finds a football and angrily throws it in a bush… hitting another hot young shirtless man. (His name is Chad, and he is moving out of town and probably sleeping with the cougar neighbor.)

Speaking of cougars… Courtney (Karen Arnold from The Wonder Years) is their Australian neighbor she drops off some dinner for the family and sexily looks at Jason. She recruits Jason to work with her for her “landscaping business” and bonds with Nicole over having lost her husband too.

In a towel, Chad hears a noise downstairs. He puts on pants, but no shirt, and goes to investigate. In his back yard, by the pool, he gets knocked in the head and drowned by a hooded figure.

Nicole (still widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine go to Purity Fall High School. Nicole is going to be the guidance counselor, and Jason is making friends with Daniel from the wrestling team. Then we watch teenage boys wrestle, and they talk about taking showers… this movie is pretty homoerotic. Then again, gay guys and cougars are basically the same things.

Daniel recommends that Jason work for Courtney. Jason goes over to his neighbor’s house and asks for the landscaping job. Instead of getting a job, he some wine and then gets laid. Courtney gives him money and his first client information. He showers as she takes pictures of him and then joins him in the shower.

The next day, Jason goes to his first client’s house and takes off his shirt. It is Aunt Zelda (Beth Broderick) from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. She tries to take him inside for a sexy time, but Jason runs off and goes to Courtney. Courtney explains that she is not selling lawn boys; she is selling sex workers to housewives. Jason tells her that he is out, but you know, no hard feelings.

After realizing that his mother is having money problems, Jason decides to work for Courtney after all. Courtney is thrilled to have him and gives him a used car to get around easier. His first client makes him strip in front of her, and then they have sex on a chaise lounge. It is a REALLY long scene.

Later, on another job. Beth Broderick is squeezing Jason’s butt and making out with him when her husband comes home. She hides Jason in the closet and then has him sneak out while she is having sex with her husband. Since he leaves in a hurry, he drops his belt.

Jason doesn’t want the stress in his life and quits. Courtney doesn’t take it well, this time. When he is in the shower in the locker room, because this movie is GAY, he is approached by Benjamin. (the first young man in this movie with his shirt on.) Benjamin is a friend of Courtney’s and holds Jason at knifepoint until he agrees to see clients again.

Courtney has a party at her house and invites Nicole. At the party are a bunch of young men working as caters, and Nicole is starting to piece things together when she sees a cougar slap one of the young men on his ass. She also walks in on Daniel with a client. Also, at the party, Beth Broderick threatens to tell everyone in the town about Courtney’s sex ring if she doesn’t pay her one hundred thousand dollars. Her husband is going to divorce her because he found Jason’s belt.

The blackmail doesn’t work, and Benjamin comes over pretending to seduce Beth Broderick. He instead strangles Beth Broderick, but she shoots him in the stomach before dying. Benjamin pleads for Courtney to help him, and she asks him if he killed Chad, which he did. She gets him to confess to betraying her and lets him bleed out. Then she throws his body in the trunk of a yellow sports car and drives the body away.

Nicole and Jason get into a fight because she doesn’t want him hanging around with Daniel. Jason goes back to the house from the beginning of the movie. He holds a football and thinks about Chad. (Because he loved him? Haha, no… I’m not sure why!)

Daniel and Jason hatch a plan to get Courtney’s client book and give it to the police. Jason goes over to Courtney’s house, posing as a callboy who is ready to work. The mayor shows up, who is a man, and wants to have Jason himself. (With handcuffs and some whips.) The mayor catches Jason trying to steal the client list. They fight, but Courtney pulls out a gun takes Jason to the garage. She ties him up, and duct tapes his mouth.

Nicole and Justine learn about the murders in town, and Nicole goes next door to confront Courtney. Nicole finds Jason in the garage and hides behind a tractor. When Courtney comes back, Nicole attacks her; they struggle, and Nicole stabs Courtney in the neck with a screwdriver. They run out of the garage and are almost shot to death by Courtney, but Justine shows up with her dad’s rifle and shoots Courtney first.

Six months later, Nicole (still widowed), Jason (and his booty.), and Justine throw a party at the cabin. Thee end!

Side Note

Minority Report: Zero POC’s in this movie.

Trevor Stines is shirtless for most of this movie, and I wasn’t mad about it. He is in great shape.

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Overall rating

🔪🔪🔪 (3 Knives)

🍷🍷🍷🍷 (4 glasses of wine required)