Catfish Killer (2022 Lifetime)
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Cast: René Ashton, Nicolette Langley, Jordan James Smith, Alicia Leigh Willis
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Synopsis (via Lifetime)
Hannah is thrilled with how her senior year is going. Her best friends are always by her side, her mom is so supportive, and she just got a prized scholarship to Stanford! However, Hannah joins an online chatroom where she meets a boy she quickly falls for, and things quickly go from great to terrible. Stars Alicia Leigh Willis, Nicolette Langley, Jordan James Smith, and Ren Ashton (2022)
Recap/Wine Thoughts
The movie starts with some items floating in the water. We see a pair of sunglasses, a knife, a hospital bracelet, and some pictures, all while ominous music plays.
Cut to one month earlier. Marianne washes some dishes while promising her daughter, Hannah, that she will do whatever it takes to get Hannah into her dream school. They are interrupted by a new neighbor, Josh, who is handsome and awkward. He is looking for a package.
Hannah leaves for school and gets a ride with her BFF, Scott. (Who is obviously in love with her.) Hannah meets with Principal Edwards and learns that she has been awarded a full scholarship. Her friends plan a party to celebrate. (One student doesn’t want to party, the running-up nerd named Eli. He bullies Hannah while wearing a beanie and holding a skateboard. The most non-threatening lewk.)
Jane (adopted because she has dead parents) and Scott take Hannah out for a night of bowling, but the girls focus on a new social media app called Clique. The app allows users to chat with people from colleges. (Sounds a lot like the original Facebook circa 2005.)
A cute guy named James starts messaging Hannah, and they spend a lot of time talking on the app. We know this because messages float on the screen in front of a clock hands are going at warp speed. Marianne becomes worried that her daughter is talking to guys online and cautions her daughter not to give out any personal info.
James starts sending messages late at night, and he gets jealous when Kevin IRL asks Hannah out on a date. James gets upset when Hannah friend-zones him and tells her she will “be sorry.”
While locking up the school, the school janitor is knocked unconscious, and his school keys are stolen. The attacker breaks into the school and frames Hannah for plagiarizing. Principal Edwards tells Hannah that she has lost her scholarship.
Hannah is determined to find out who framed her and reviews the security footage. The attacker wears the same backpack as Eli. Principal Edwards doesn’t have enough evidence to implicate Eli and yells at Hannah for breaking into the security office to find the footage. Eli delivers a creepy monologue to Hannah about losing her scholarship, and he is giving me Dhamer (Netflix show, not serial killer) vibes.
Flowers show up on Hannah’s doorstep from James with a note that says, “Do I have your attention now?” Marianne views it as a threat and tells Hannah that he seems dangerous. Marianne calls the flower shop to find out who sent them. Eventually, she calls the police.
Detective Wilson says that there isn’t enough proof for stalking, so Hannah tracks down James, who is a boxer named Eric. He casually tells her that she is DEFINATELY getting catfished.
Back at school, someone pours motor oil on the stairs and causes Hannah to almost fall to her death. BFF Scott is there to catch her. He asks her to cancel her date because someone is out to get her. Hannah doesn’t do that and goes out with Kevin to see an Emo band.
Afterward, someone almost runs Kevin and Hannah over in the parking lot. Kevin pushes Hannah out of the way and saves her life. He is out for the season but alive!
Do you know who isn’t alive? Eli. He has an allergic reaction in the library to peanuts, and the stalker stole his EpiPen.
To destress, Scott takes Hannah to his gym while he pumps some iron. Hannah enjoys the world’s smallest gym sauna. Someone locks her in and almost kills her, but Scott finds his friend just in time to save her, again!
Kevin thinks that it is a little too convenient that Scott is around everything something goes down. He suggests that Scott is in love with her and might have even been driving the car that ran him over. It is enough to raise Hannah’s suspicions.
Jane also thinks Scott is up to no good and shows up at Hannah’s house with the sweatshirt the stalker was wearing and shows her photos she “found on her phone.” Hannah rushes with Jane to confront Scott.
They show up and find Scott in the garage with the engine running in an apparent suicide. He has a note admitting to catfishing and being in love with Hannah on his phone in the notes app. Hannah reads the letter and cries. (Ummm, wait, maybe Scott survives?)
The hot neighbor, Josh, checks in with Marianne about Hannah and how she is holding up. The answer is… not well! Hannah’s grades are slipping, and she relives memories via a montage of things that have already happened in the movie. Even Kevin is dating a new girl.
Jane invites Hannah over for a girl’s night, where they drink mocktails and giggle a lot. When Jane goes downstairs to get a pizza, Hannah looks through Jane’s computer and realizes that she is James.
Jane admits to staging Scott’s suicide. She feels like Hannah stole her opportunity to get the scholarship to her parent’s alma mater. Jane was third in place for the scholarship. She has killed for financial aid, which is so dark. As Jane talks, Hannah starts to fade in and out. Jane has drugged her.
Marianne shows up to save her daughter and tells Jane that the police are on their way. Reasoning doesn’t work; the two fight over a knife and fall into the pool. Hannah comes to and knocks Jane out before she can stab her mother. Hannah apologizes to her mom for taking her for granted.
Scott wakes up from his coma, and Hannah rushes to be by his side. He tells her that he does have feelings for her, but he can just be friends if that is what she wants. Hannah takes Scott out of the friend zone and wins her scholarship back.
Everyone throws Hannah a graduation party, and there is also a random trip to an amusement park thrown in there, because WHY NOT!
Side Note
The soundtrack to this movie was wack.
This movie is not to be confused with the Gay Horror film of the same name.
Minority Report: Kevin, James/Eric, Detective Wilson, New Girlfriend,
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Overall rating
Number of Kills:
🔪 (1 Knife)
Enjoyment Level (1-5 scale)
🍷 🍷
Should you watch it?
Pour it up! (Give it a shot)
Put a Cork in It (Skip It)
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